Dying to Self

Sallie made a comment that got me thinking about this. In adjusting to life with her new baby, she makes this realization:

"I think I have determined what is the most challenging part of motherhood to this point...it is the inability to do what I have planned to do. It doesn'’t matter how motivated or excited I might be about doing something. If it doesn'’t fit into the day with the needs of the baby, it doesn'’t get done. Frankly, I find this frustrating in the extreme."

I think she just put motherhood in a nutshell. I've been a parent over ten years, but I think my biggest frustration is still the one Sallie's experiencing. I think all moms feel this. I think moms are supposed to feel this; it's one of those things about parenting that teaches us to put someone else ahead of ourselves. Somewhere, though, it seems that women started dealing with this backwards. Instead of changing their character to adjust to their circumstances, they started changing their circumstances to fit their character. Instead of putting their wants and desires aside, they started putting their children aside. As Larry Crab put it, "Feeling better has become more important to us than finding God." (Finding God)

Just the other day someone (again) said to me, "I think it's great that you are home with the kids all the time; I just couldn't do it."

Now I've said before that homeschooling is not for everyone, but there's something wrong with the assumption that because I homeschool I must have some superhuman powers. I don't think there is anything different about me that makes me better equipped to handle the pressures of homeschooling, save a strong conviction that this is what is best for my children.

For the most part I love homeschooling and it's what I want to do. It's not all rainbows and lollipops, though. I feel pressured sometimes. I feel crowded and wish I had more time to myself. Honestly, there have been weeks at a time when I was depressed, overwhelmed...convinced I couldn't do it anymore. I feel frustrated a lot. Often I'm afraid that I'm not giving them the best education, or that someday they will miss out on something really important because I didn't prepare them for it. Many days I spend a lot of time working on character and at the end of the day I feel like I haven't taught them anything at all. When it's all said and done, though, it comes to this:

I would never make a life-altering decision for my kids based solely on what's easiest or most enjoyable to me.

One of my kids often asks for a different household chore because "I'm just not good at this." My answer is always the same: "If you're not good at it, you need to do it all the more. What makes you good at it is practice."

The "I'm just not good at that" response to God didn't work for Moses, and it doesn't work for us. Undoubtedly, I believe there are times when God miraculously equips someone for the work he has called them to do. More often than not, though, I've come to believe that God equips us through our obedience. The performing of the work He has called us to equips us for performing it better in the future.